Having previously debunked love as panacea and the Golden Rule as hogwash, I will proceed to explain that humans are as breeds of dogs, and try to make you happy about it. This first step of cooperation may be the only way, outside eugenics, to rescue our faltering world.

My credential for this essay begins as a semi-feral kid living across a northern swath of American states who took behavioral and social cues from animals. Not surprisingly, I became a veterinarian daily walking for a few years lines of hundreds of kennels of cats and dogs and stalls with horses, cows and pigs. I left that calling to travel the world for a decade under a backpack studying and taking notes on the myriad aspects — toes to earlobes and the conduct — of the peoples in 96 countries. I specialized at once on either end of their bell curves thinking that once these border pieces were in place, the rest of the puzzle of humanity and solution to the world falls into place.

For example, I remember trailing in the streets of Maputo, Mozambique an albino black man I silently called Oxymoron until he noticed, stopped and confronted me. I explained forthrightly that I was interested in his anomalous color to which he intoned, ‘Follow me.’ We went straight to a laundromat where I met his lovely jet black wife and identical twin albino girls. ‘The doctors tell me they are probably the only albino twins in this country,’ the wife reported.

As certain as we are individuals, each type in the crayon box of humanity has varying capacities for physical and mental performance. White trash like me think slow as February molasses but are thorough, Mexicans talk rapidly as auctioneers, Orientals have heart and beehive minds, Indians bend and multiple faster, if only Jews could drop their Bible and climb as a superior race, Native Americans booze and brawl, and my favorite line on the football field is ‘Did you ever try to catch a black guy.’ These and other ‘tribes’ are the world orchestra sections of evolution.

Their symphony today offers the crash of egalitarianism, the belief in the equality of people. My experience is contrary, that different strains of humanity offer varying capabilities. In a sentence, a barnyard version of George Orwell’s Animal Farm reads, ‘All humans are equal but some are more equal than others’. This is the specificity of evolution. To embrace its truth is to take one giant step forward in your life as well as be entertained.

Suppose an egalitarian physician is called to set the broken toe of a man and instead goes out and breaks a toe each of nine other men, explaining that it will make them feel better. The study is written into the AMA journal and Congress passes a law that everyone must go about on crutches. That’s where the world stands now.

Instead, go forth with compassion to look for the relative pluses and minuses of each race that bring greater vitality and color to life. By giving the next person the benefit of doubt when greeting him, you create opportunities that will not be available if you assume the worst in others and act like it. Oxymoron in Mozambique invited me to dinner after the laundromat which I politely accepted, and that led to mutual gain.

Pay attention to this truth, exert your will, and choose happiness for everyone.